


But It's As Real As the Feelings I Feel

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Resistance (Cartoon)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Characters Watching Movies, Dorks in Love, Episode Tag, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Tam is definitely not asking Synara out on a date.





	But It's As Real As the Feelings I Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Synara's Score"

Tam went by salvage after Yeager told her to knock off for the day. She waited by the door, refusing to pace, refusing to be nervous. She should have checked the salvage schedule. Synara might already have left. Tam ought to get back. She turned away from the door as salvagers she didn't know walked past, looking at a wall intently like she was studying it instead of admitting her pulse was thrumming under her skin.

"Oh, Tam," said a voice, and had Tam been the kind of woman to squeak, she would have.

Instead, she turned with an instinctive smile hitting her face. She must look like a fool. She forced the smile down, but it bounced back up as soon as she said, "Oh, hi, Synara."

"Is there a problem?" Synara's eyes shifted to the side, checking the perimeter for trouble. A lot of the old-timers did that, Tam thought, survivors from the last war. But Synara had survived a vicious pirate attack, Kaz had said, and they'd just survived another. That was enough to make anyone jumpy.

"No, no problem. I thought, maybe," she reminded herself to stay calm and easy, which was the hardest thing in the galaxy to do when she was nervous. "I was going for dinner and I thought you could join me. My treat," she said, as she had at lunch. "You saved my life during the attack. I'd like to pay you back." There. That sounded like a reasonable thing to do, and not at all like she was asking Synara out on a date.

"It was nothing."

Tam felt her hopes fall. "I don't consider it nothing. That pirate would have shot me."

Synara colored slightly, a deeper hue covering her lavender cheeks. "Sorry. I meant you don't owe me. I was glad to help. That's what friends do, right?"

"Right," Tam said, breathing a little too fast. "Friends. Which is what we are. Do you want to get some dinner?"

Synara's mouth went flat in a line for a moment, and Tam realized she was staring at her lips. Her eyes went up, and now she was staring instead into Synara's eyes. Green with a touch of blue in the right light, or blue with a green glow in another. Oh no, she was mentally rhapsodizing about her eyes. She felt the nervous smile start again. This was taking too long. Synara was uncomfortable and was trying to sort out how to tell her to go away.

"I'd love to," she said, and Tam's smile bubbled to the top again.

"Great! Is Aunt Z's all right?"

"Of course." Her own smile peeked out from behind the briefly stern expression. "Sorry, I've been lost in my own head ever since the attack. I wasn't expecting company."

"Oh. Well. If you'd rather I left you alone for now."

"No," Synara said, and threaded her arm through Tam's companionably. "Dinner sounds like the perfect distraction. I've been alone inside my head enough for today." She leaned in. "I am holding you to the part where you said it was your treat."

Tam was too happy to reply.

* * *

The food may have been the finest dining in the quadrant. Aunt Z had cooked it, so the odds were as stacked against that as they would be for Neeku to win a race against one of the Aces while he was riding a speeder bike, but Tam admitted to herself she wouldn't have known the difference. The company was too good to care.

"How long have you worked for Yeager?"

"A few years. He's a great boss. Tough, but he's fair, and he always sees the best in his people." She took a bite. "What about you? How long did you work on that ship where Kaz and Yeager found you?"

"Not long," Synara said. "I haven't stayed anywhere very long since I left Mirial."

"Then you must have amazing stories from all your travels. I'd love to hear them."

"They're not that amazing. One planet looks like another after a while. They're all the same." Another cloud passed over her face before she brightened. "You've traveled. Where have you been?"

Tam launched into a story about the time she and her dad had been on Boonta for the race. Synara listened, asking questions as Tam talked, coaxing more stories out of her.

The other patrons moved around them, and gradually, Tam realized they'd been here for hours, mostly focused on her. The worried panic was back. She'd been talking about herself too much. Synara probably thought Tam was as bad as Hype. "Sorry," she said. "I've been blabbing about myself all night."

"No, it's been wonderful. You're very passionate when you talk about ships and racing." She took a drink of her water, finishing the cup. "I've never been that excited about anything."

"Really? No. There must be something you love to do." Tam counted on her fingers. "Watching holos. Reading books. Just traveling to see the galaxy. Something."

Synara shook her head. "Nothing that I can think of. I like to work. I do like to travel, but only to get to my next destination. I can't tell you the last time I sat down and watched a holo."

"Which ones do you like?" Tam thought quickly. "I have a few back at my place. Some historical dramas, a few comedies. Maybe you could come over. Watch one." She bit down on the words "with me" before they could spill out and embarrass her.

"Maybe. I'm worn out from the day. I'm afraid I'd be poor company, and if I fell asleep in the middle, you'd think I was rude."

"Oh no. I'd never think you were rude. Just tired." They could watch in Tam's bunk, and if Synara fell asleep, then she'd have a soft place to rest. Tam nearly covered her mouth like Neeku to stop herself from saying so. She swore internally. It had been ages since she'd been this bad. She was being ridiculous over a gorgeous face. Again. "It's all right if you don't want to."

"I do," she said, and yawned. "It isn't every day I get attacked by pirates, even though it's starting to feel like it."

"Right. Maybe another time."

"I'd love that," she said, and maybe Tam imagined her face flushing a bit at the word. But maybe not.

* * *

Tam was a hard worker. Very diligent, very punctual, very good at what she did. That bought her a lot of indulgence from Yeager as she spent much of the following day distracted and not paying attention. She actually shocked herself on an actual power coupling like an actual first-day mechanic, or like Kaz.

"No daydreaming on the job," Yeager told her when he noriced she was staring off into space. "You'll hurt yourself again, and we can't afford you dropping anything." He did not say "like Kaz just did" and she appreciated that. Yeager knew she wasn't like this all the time, unlike other people she could name.

"Sorry. Still rattled from yesterday."

His face softened. "You ran off pretty quickly during the fight to go help your friend. I didn't ask, was she all right?"

"Yeah. We fought off the pirates together. I nearly got shot, but Synara saved me." She allowed herself a pleased smile, the smile of someone who didn't die rather than someone with what was looking like a huge crush on a friend.

Yeager gave her a look that said he'd seen that expression enough times on enough faces, and that Tam wasn't fooling him one bit.

"Take it easy today. Don't handle anything fragile until you feel better about your brush with death."

"Understood."

She went back to work, making herself focus on the task in front of her. The hours, creeping earlier, now sped along once her head was in the right place. Pretty girls came and went, but a spanner was a spanner.

There was a cough behind her. Part of her already knew that cough, would know it in her dreams. "Hi," she said, spinning around and dropping the spanner. It didn't hit her foot. That was something.

Synara glanced at the tool on the floor. "Are you all right?"

"Fine. I'm fine. I should get that." She bent, picking up the spanner and tossing it casually into the tool chest. Cool. Tam was cool. "How are you?" she asked. "What brings you here?"

"It got late. I thought I would come see if you wanted to get dinner together tonight. My treat this time. You fed me yesterday."

"You don't have to. I mean, I'd love to eat. I'd love dinner. Yes. Um." She looked around. It had gotten late. Kaz and Neeku had said something about knocking off for a meal break a while ago, now that she thought about it. "Do you want to go now?"

"I do. But I thought, if you brought one of your holos along, I could pick up dinner and we could watch it while we ate."

"You want to watch one?" Synara nodded. "Great! I'll just go get one now." She turned, heading towards the sleeping quarters. Tam had her own nook in the back away from the boys. She'd never brought anyone back here.

Her holos were stacked neatly inside one crate. She picked through them, examining and dismissing them. That one was a dry historical story. Tam liked it, but Synara would be bored. This was a lowbrow comedy she used to watch with her dad, full of screwball chases. Synara would hate the jokes. Too romantic, she decided for her favorite. She might be coming on too strong if she brought anything with too much kissing.

She was taking too long.

Synara followed her over, and now a flush was heating Tam's cheeks. Her bunk was a mess, and now it was covered with holos. "This is yours?"

"Yeah. Yeager lets us stay here. I'm saving up for a place."

"I have my own room. We could watch the holo there if you'd like."

Synara was being polite. That was all. Tam didn't let herself react to the thought of going to Synara's room and seeing her bunk. "Great!"

"What are we going to watch?"

"I can't decide. Why don't you pick one you haven't seen?"

Synara grabbed one from the bed. "This one."

"Great choice." She was saying "great" too much. Why was this so hard? She didn't even know which one Synara had picked.

They grabbed a container from one of the stalls along the marketplace promenade: two dozen deep-fried bites to share. Finding out what they were bites of cost more, and Synara's budget didn't stretch that far. She led Tam through the underbelly of the Colossus, down into the interior living spaces. The room, when she palm-activated the door, was too small to properly be called quarters. It had the look of a refurbished broom closet, and maybe it was. Her bunk, a soft pad on the floor, lay against the wall. No pictures, no spare clothes, nothing to mark this as a personal place.

"It's cozy," Tam said. "It must be nice to have your own room."

"I like my privacy. Won't you sit?"

Tam took a seat on the pad. Synara sat next to her, warm and pretty, and Tam was going to spend the rest of her time around this woman blushing and hoping it wasn't too obvious she was blushing.

She clicked open the holocube. The opening titles played. A bit of worry nibbled at her. This was one of the holos she'd discarded for being too romantic. It was too late to change now. "Let's eat," she said, cracking open the container and setting it across their laps. The food smelled wonderful. She reached in for a piece, then stopped herself. "You first."

"Thanks." They each pulled out a small handful and popped them into their mouths. Tam kept count of her own bites, making an effort not to eat more than her share, not to look like she was eating too much.

The story played out before them: a doomed love affair between two people on opposite sides of the Clone Wars. "Come away with me," Tam mouthed along during her favorite part, and the reply: "I can't. I must betray my duty or my heart, and I won't survive either."

"What was that?"

"Sorry. I won't quote more."

"You've seen this one enough to quote it?"

"Sure."

Synara gave her an impish smile. "Does that mean it's your favorite?"

"No. It's nice, though." They watched together. The big confrontation was coming soon, the battle scene where the two lovers faced off across the field until they recognized the other, threw down their weapons, and met each other midway. It was ridiculous, her dad had always said when she watched this one, but his eyes got misty at the end just like hers did. "Do you like it?"

"It's not really my thing."

"Oh."

She gestured at the holographic figures. "Clones weren't programmed for romance. A clone wouldn't have fallen in love with a Separatist soldier, even a handsome one. They wouldn't have met."

"But see, the story set up how they met and learned to trust each other. That was the amnesia bit."

"Amnesia doesn't work like that."

"It's not supposed to be realistic." She didn't want to argue about this. "If you don't like it, we can turn it off. I've got others." Tam reached for the cube. Synara grasped her hand, stopping her.

"I didn't say I didn't like it."

"You basically did. That's fine." Synara still held her hand. They'd bumped reaching into the container for food, but now, even with the grease on their fingers from the fried bites, an electric energy ran between them. Mirialans had the Force, Tam recalled. Some of them anyway.

"Leave it on. Please."

Tam sat back. Synara still held her hand. They kept holding hands through the rest of the movie, and yes, at the end, she thought she saw a glitter of moisture in those green-blue eyes.

"He changed," Synara said. "Because he loved someone. Is there more? Do we find out how they fared together after the war?"

"No. I heard they planned a sequel, but it didn't get made. I like to think they went off and settled down somewhere safe. Grew old together."

"The clones grew old fast. They said so."

"Ah," Tam said, resting against the wall. "That's why in the story in my head, they went back to that clone planet first and got him fixed so he would live a long time."

"I like that story. No sad endings." She watched Tam for a moment. Their hands still touched. "Do you have another holo like this one?"

"Not exactly like this one, but I've got a lot of them. We could watch another tomorrow." That wasn't setting up another date. None of these were dates. They were just friends, spending time together, watching holos like friends did. Holding hands.

Synara looked at the holocube. "We could watch this one again. You could quote this time."

"It's getting late," Tam said. "I have to get to work first thing. I'm sure you do, too. No rest for the wicked."

"You're not wicked. You're kind, and you're smart, and you make me laugh."

The words warmed her. "Thanks. I like you, too." The hand in hers squeezed. Synara turned her head, and she kissed Tam. Tam felt her mouth open, part in shock, part in joy.

Synara pulled away. "I apologize. Was that too fast? It's been a long time since I've courted someone, and I don't know human customs as well as I should."

"You're courting me? We're courting?"

"Perhaps not." She pulled her hand away. "If that isn't something you'd want, I understand."

"No. I mean, I want to. Let's court," Tam said, and she pulled Synara in for a longer kiss. Synara's mouth matched hers with a smile. Their hands were greasy and smelled of food, and Tam wiped hers on her trousers before reaching for Synara's hair, resting a hand on her shoulder, rubbing her jaw with one thumb. Synara's fingers stroked the collar of Tam's shirt, the touch a promise to slide deeper and see what she found beneath.

Tam was the one who broke the kiss this time. Synara watched her curiously as she reached down to the holocube. Tam turned the holo back to the beginning and restarted the story. The opening music played, silly and romantic. "I can explain the amnesia plot to you."

"I already understand that."

"Right, you didn't understand the part about how someone could fall in love with someone on the opposite side."

Synara kissed her again. "I'm starting to understand. Perhaps we should watch several times, though. To be sure it always has a happy ending."

And if not, Tam thought, as she kissed Synara again, they could always make their own ending where it did. Together.

end


End file.
